To communicate, be present

February 1st, 2012

I had a conversation with an acquaintance recently that consisted of her talking about herself. Aledgedly we were talking about our respective upcoming plans, but it soon became apparent that she wasn’t interested in mine. Not a big deal, to be sure. Yet, it got me thinking. How many times have I done the same thing – gotten so into my own head that I wasn’t really engaged in a conversation?

In order to communicate, both people need to be present. This doesn’t mean that they have to be physically close, but they do need to give their full attention to the person with whom they’re speaking.

Being fully present in today’s hectic world can be a challenge. Yet the practice, often called mindfulness, is good for your mental health and productivity. You don’t have to engage in regular meditation to benefit.  Joyfully engaging in the present can reduce stress, increase focus on things you can control and make work more enjoyable.

Here are some tips to get you started with being more mindful:

Do one thing at a time. Multi-tasking is, at best, inefficient. When you want to accomplish something, devote your entire self to the task in order to do your best work.

Remove distractions. Don’t allow background buzz to take your mind elsewhere. Find a quiet place where you can focus. Some people can screen out background noise better than others. If that is a problem for you, consider a white noise machine for your work space.

Revel in what you’re doing. Even the most mundane chores can be uplifting. When you wash the dishes, do only that. Feel the warm water and smell the soapy aroma. When you’re talking to someone, really tune in to them, their feelings, body language and ideas. As Corita Kent said, “Love the moment, and the energy of the moment will spread beyond all boundaries.”

If you can’t give your full attention, say so. If you’re in a conversation and can’t seem to attend, let the other person know. It is far better to say, “My headache is a distraction,” so that the other person is aware of the situation, and you can both adjust accordingly.

Create a visual cue. Mindfulness is not difficult. It is just hard to remember to do it. Use a picture or other reminder to help you slow down and be present.

Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence.” Be generous with others today, and everyone will benefit from the experience.

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Over-the-top service

January 25th, 2012

We all have customers, whether we characterize them that way or not. We serve our direct reports, boss and/or shareholders. We seek to meet the needs of family members, as a spouse, parent, sibling or child. In the same respect, we are served by others, and when we receive over-the-top customer service, we notice. Perhaps it stands out because it is a rarity in our hurried, overbooked culture.

A recent Brains on Fire blog post  focused on “above and beyond” customer service interaction. Rather than asking, “Can I get you something else? this person asked “Is there anything else you can think of that you need?”

It may seem like a subtle difference, but it conveys a true service mindset. Note that the question did not contain anything about the server, only the customer. This was stated as if the customer were the only priority. Hint: To this particular service provider, this was true. This service professional wasn’t just regurgitating a script.

“Is there anything you need?” How often do we ask this of our bosses? Our direct reports? Our loved ones?

(I definitely need to ask my hubby that question, as it seems that he ranks lower than all 3 kids, the dog and the cat. I bet he’s happy the fish died.)

Humanergy strives every day to provide our clients with “wow-I-never-expected-that” service. We also want our employees to feel that they couldn’t possibly find a better job. We aim to provide helpful insights to all of our blog followers each and every week. So, dear reader, please tell me; is there anything YOU need? Leave us a comment, and then go ask someone what you can do for them.

 

Have needs that Humanergy can fulfill? Contact us!

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More reasons you are not achieving your goals

January 18th, 2012

Are you tired of hearing about New Year’s resolutions? If you’re like me, you may have ambitious goals in January, only to find them a distant memory by February. That’s why comedian Joey Adams coined the toast, “May your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.”

If you want to achieve your objectives, you aren’t doomed to fail, even if you have done so in the past. If you missed our post called The real reason you’re not achieving your goals, read that now for ideas about how to avoid resolution-derailment. Here are more potential obstacles and their solutions:

Goals fall off the radar. Life has a way of overwhelming our goals, and we often lose track of what we wanted to achieve. One strategy for keeping your goal top-of-mind is an in-your-face tracking method. Try an automatic an email or task notification that is sent to yourself each week, reminding you of your goals and action steps. Create a public chart of your progress, and enlist others to help you stay on track.

You don’t involve others. The days of the lone rider are gone. Setting appropriate, challenging goals and achieving them require input from others throughout the process. Consider seeking feedback from people outside your industry, as well as subject matter experts in your field. You may be surprised at the new insights you will gain.

You don’t prep for action. Just aiming for a target is not sufficient. At some point, you must shoot. This means planning goal-specific, targeted action. Break big goals up into manageable bits, then set milestones for each stage. Your action plan must be flexible, yet contain the necessary detail to drive getting things done.

You set them for others. If you set the goals for your direct reports, proceed with caution. Will your people perform at their best if they do not “own” their goals? How would you feel if someone set yours? Probably less than enthused. If you must set others’ goals, at least engage them in a conversation to get their input and buy-in. Also, make sure you’re not expecting the impossible. Impossible expectations equals stress and poor performance. In other words, you’ll frustrate your people and not achieve your goals. Not only that, you’ll likely end up wasting time recruiting and training new employees when your people bail on you.

Reaching your goals requires dedication and discipline. Don’t use the age-old excuse: I don’t have time. As H. Jackson Brown, Jr. said, “Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo Da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.”

 

Need some goals guidance? Contact Humanergy!

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The real reason you’re not achieving your goals

January 10th, 2012

Advice abounds when it comes to setting goals. You’ve probably been told a million times to make your goals SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Result-driven and Time-bound). Yet year after year, you either don’t bother setting goals or you lose track of your resolutions by about February. What are some of the barriers that might be keeping you from goal attainment?

You don’t want to be accountable. You may set nonspecific goals (or none at all) if you fear being held accountable. You think that you can stay beneath the radar and won’t be held to task. Sorry. The days of just going through the motions are long gone, and every person needs to know where they’re going and how they’ll get there. Otherwise, why pay you? There will be someone else just waiting to step into your shoes.

You set goals too high. Challenging goals are necessary to activate our motivation for achievement. It’s been said that you should aim for the stars. However, if you find that you lose momentum quickly or never achieve your milestones, you may need to become a more realistic goal-setter. Dream big, but do not set the bar so high that you cannot be successful. If you consistently set unrealistically high goals, face the fact that you are not setting goals at all. You’re really aiming at nothing, so there’s no hitting it.

You set goals too low. Maybe you’re setting low, attainable goals because you fear the consequences of failure. Even if your boss demands 100% goal success, you can always set a separate set of personal goals that don’t get reported in your annual review. To boost success, share them with a trusted person, who can be your sounding board, cheerleader and guide. When you succeed, take pride in and celebrate your achievements, knowing that you stretched yourself past your comfort zone. If possible, report these achievements to your boss,

Your goals don’t align with a worthwhile purpose. If your objectives and targets don’t motivate you, it may be that your work doesn’t fit with what is really important to you. Your goals should help you get out of bed in the morning and fuel you through the challenges that inevitably come. If your goals don’t fire you up, consider a move to a different type of position – one that gets your juices flowing and lines up with what really matters.

It takes time to develop goals that matter and give your life meaning and motivation. Don’t shortchange the thinking part of the process. Devote some time to journaling about what you want out of life, personally and professionally. You’ll then be in a stronger position to establish goals that you will accomplish.

(Stay tuned to our next blog for more ways to overcome barriers to goal attainment – just in time for those New Year’s resolutions!)

 

Need some goals guidance? Contact Humanergy!

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Your leadership dreams

January 4th, 2012

Leadership is more than dreaming, but the power of imaginative thinking is sometimes underestimated. What can leaders gain from straying away from facts and reality to connect with new aspirations and potential?

You can remove constraints. You may be narrowing your vision of personal and professional success. Sometimes we operate on autopilot and do what others expect us to do. Or we quickly dismiss a new course of action because it is unfamiliar and unsafe. Structured dreaming allows you to mentally test drive the road not taken.

You will be more open to opportunities. You may never know how many potentially life-changing turning points you have missed because you were not open to them. Having a vision for your future primes you to recognize opportunities that would otherwise have been invisible.

You will be better able to enable others’ dreams. Being in touch with your own aspirations will help you encourage others to reach their own. You will understand the power of a life purpose and work to connect people with what they were meant to do.

You will be more directed. With your picture of future success as a guide, you will structure your time better. Distractions like aimless web surfing will be less attractive, as you spend your available time on advancing your dream. Even if your dream won’t be realized right away, you will take the necessary small steps to advance your future.

You can connect with a higher purpose. Some people dream of professional or financial success. Consider what else you want to achieve that cannot be bought or is less tangible? What difference do you want to make in the world?

“You see things; and you say, ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say, ‘Why not?’” George Bernard Shaw

 

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Three ways to simplify your life

December 21st, 2011

Most of us go through our days wondering how we’re going to do it all. Meetings and deadlines collide with family and personal needs. Before you know it, we’re feeling stressed and overwhelmed.

There is no time like the present to give yourself the gift of a little sanity. Take on these three quick tasks to take control and increase tranquility.

Cancel a meeting. Look at your calendar and figure out one meeting this month that does not need to happen (or you don’t need to attend). Block this time for you to accomplish something else that is important to you.

Declutter and replace. Find one spot on your desk that you can clean off. Replace that pile of folders with a small plant, photo or other object that you love. That visual space will be your ongoing cue to relax and refocus.

Give something away. We all have too much stuff. Donate an item to charity, and don’t replace it. If the spirit moves you, give something away each month. Think of it as one less thing to find a space for or organize in some way.

Keep what is meaningful, useful or beautiful. Everything else is a distraction. Eliminate the clutter, so that your life is focused on making a difference in the world.

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Peace on earth (or at least your little corner of it)

December 13th, 2011

Peace on earth may seem like a tall order, given the state of the world. However, there are ways you can foster a more peaceful climate in your organization. In this context, peace means a calm, nonviolent and civil (at the bare minimum) workplace. Why bother? As leaders, it is incumbent upon us to do what we can to encourage productivity. Peace of mind eliminates distractions, creates focus and clarity and allows people to bring urgency to the important work at hand.

To create more peace in your corner of the world, try these strategies:

Start with you. Manage your own emotions before you expect it of others. As Daniel Goleman, emotional intelligence guru, says, you need to be intelligent about emotions rather than acting from them. Don’t bottle up feelings, and seek wise counsel if you feel that your emotions control your behavior.

Confront unacceptable behavior. Set and enforce standards for civility and care, regardless of the degree of frustration or emotional intensity.

Uncover pockets of disharmony. Your people will disagree and argue, and that can be extremely fruitful. However, when disagreements turn personal or ugly, or when it’s a daily ritual without resolution, you need to get involved. If necessary, bring in a neutral party who can help the warriors resolve their issues and set new guidelines for disagreeing well.

Keep peacefulness on the front burner. Use a visual cue to remind you of how important it is to maintain inner peace and outer harmony.

Creating peace in your organization doesn’t mean that you hold group meditation sessions or create bizarre rituals. It may mean taking two minutes at the start of each day to center yourself and think of what really matters. Encourage others to do likewise. You have the ability to contribute to a workplace culture that enhances a person’s life, rather than decreasing its quality. “If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another” (Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama).


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How to respond to offensive remarks

December 6th, 2011

How many times have you heard a comment that struck you as disrespectful or offensive, and you didn’t respond? Maybe you didn’t know the other person, and felt too awkward to comment. Maybe you just weren’t sure you wanted to wade into the issue. Many of us (myself included) have opted not to comment, because we are afraid of the consequences or are unsure of what to say.

You don’t have to confront every piece of communication with which you don’t agree. When should you engage, having heard what you feel is a demeaning remark?

When it offends you. This may be obvious, but sometimes we think, “maybe I’m being too sensitive.” That’s usually just a way of avoiding the issue. If you find the remark offensive, that’s grounds enough to comment on it. You don’t need a panel of experts backing you up.

When the comment is made within your conversation. Overhearing a rude outburst from afar might give you a free pass. However, if someone makes an offensive remark in the context of your discussion, you can and should respond. Even if the words weren’t directed at you, it is still important to weigh in.

When you know the person. Strangers behaving badly may benefit from some type of intervention. Friends and colleagues definitely would. The difference here is your ability to influence their thinking and behavior. You owe it to the other person to bring the matter to their attention.

When you have the power. Let’s face it. There are some people who are in a much better position to confront distasteful speech. Leaders must role model the standards of the organization and confront those who disregard those standards. The implicit message when you say nothing is to approve.

When you know you should weigh in, how can you do so in a way that is maximally constructive?

Be brief. There is no need to launch into a protracted speech on the distasteful statement. Get to the point. “I found the term “fairy” to be offensive,” for example.

Stay focused on observable behavior. Resist the urge to extrapolate and comment on the person’s attitude or beliefs. “You used the word “girl” to refer to a grown woman.” Leave out your personal opinion that the person is a sexist.

Be willing to educate. Often people are operating out of ignorance and do not intend to be disrespectful. Assume that this is the case, until proven otherwise. A comment like, “that term has negative connotation you may not be aware of,” may pave the way to increased awareness.

State your feelings. After you’ve named the behavior, it is more than appropriate to state how you felt about it. “I felt offended [hurt] [angry].” This will help the other individual understand your true perspective and the impact of his behavior.

Be respectful and loving. It might seem strange to respond with care to a person who has said something you found repugnant. However, don’t give in to your urge to demean the speaker. Doing so would only inflame the situation, and may cause the other person to shut down and stop listening. Remember that your goal is to promote and model respectful communication; you won’t do that if you respond angrily.

Remain firm in your feedback. “Hey, lighten up,” can be a common response to being confronted. Simply stated, offensive speech is not trivial. At work, it can be illegal or at least highly disruptive. Your feedback is valid, regardless of the other person’s receptivity (or lack thereof).

Report abuse or discrimination. Persons who are verbally abusive or practice discrimination have no place in your organization. Take action, either yourself or by reporting such behavior to the person’s boss.

Part of our responsibility as human beings is to preserve the dignity of others. Caring enough to speak the truth is not always easy. It is, however, one of the most important things we can do. It may not feel that way at the time, but refuting objectionable comments is a courtesy we extend to the speaker. Giving difficult feedback means, “I care about you too much to let this go.”

 

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Navigating feedback to peers

November 30th, 2011

Some organizational cultures embrace and even insist upon regular peer-to-peer feedback. In other companies, if you give a peer a suggestion, it may be perceived as odd or even “none of your business.” (It is your business, of course, if your success is dependent upon the other person’s effectiveness.)

When and how should you give feedback to a peer?

When you have a relationship of trust.  You don’t need to be best friends, but some level of comfort is required.  If your relationship is new or uncertain, tread with caution. If you aren’t certain that you have the other person’s best interest at heart, don’t give the feedback. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.” Don’t just convince him; be the friend.

When you are relaxed and prepared.  If you are hurried or distracted, reschedule.  Your peer will pick up on your mental state, and this will cloud the valuable feedback to be given.

When you’re just as likely to give positive feedback as negative.  People need to hear about what they do well as well as what they could improve upon.  Be sure to praise, reinforce and inspire the people around you, before you share an area of potential growth.

After you ask permission. Some people realize the advantages of peer-to-peer feedback, both professionally and personally.  Some do not welcome feedback, or it may be coming at an inconvenient time. Show the other person the courtesy of asking to share your insight, and make sure it’s a good time to do so.

Based on visible behaviors. Stay clear of feedback about a person’s attitude or personality. Likewise, never share others’ perspectives or impressions that you’ve heard. A comment like, “some people have said…” is easily misunderstood and potentially toxic. Represent your own perspective, based on tangible behaviors you’ve witnessed.

With limited advice.  Offer advice only as a last resort, and only if you’re asked to do so. Remember that your approach and experience may be different and not transferable to this person’s reality.

If you’re able to take it as well as give it.  Make sure you’re not resistant to feedback, before you share some with another person. Sure, you may struggle when you hear something negative, but you need to be able to hear and act upon the input. If you’re not there yet, you really aren’t in a position to tell others what they need to improve.

Remember that it is not your job to fix others. It is your job to fix you, first and foremost. As Aldous Huxley said, “There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” That said, giving feedback to others is a gift, provided it’s offered with a genuine spirit of care.

 

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Sure, we want you to have work/life balance!

November 23rd, 2011

There is nothing wrong with devoting yourself to work, reveling in the satisfaction that achievement brings. A disturbing trend, however, seems to be organizations saying they value work/life balance and then reinforcing just the opposite behavior. The company line may be one thing, but the culture demands something else. For example, are your people expected to be attentive to their smartphones 24/7, responding to emails that are not urgent? If someone is out of contact for a day, is that considered a lack of commitment to the job?

Organizations needs people performing at their peak, or as close to it as humanly possible. What are the best practices around balancing work and other aspects of life that help both organizations and their people?

If you say it’s important, model it. It doesn’t take long to see through a “do as I say, not as I do” approach to balance. Don’t expect your employees to find harmony between work and other life aspects if you’re a workaholic. You  may choose to work long hours. Just make it clear that you’re also prioritizing yourself and people who matter most to you. Then expect others to do the same.

Focus on results and impact, not hours. It’s not about how much time you spend doing it. What counts is what you’re able to accomplish. Don’t make work a “I work more than you” contest.

Understand that it’s not a day-to-day balance. Martin B. Coppenhaver of the United Church of Christ wrote about his dislike for the term balance, because it implied hopping from one thing to another. He prefers “rhythm,” which he said was more about moving in step with life. Whether you call it balance, rhythm or something else, understand that there are times when work may be all-consuming. Ideally, you will take advantage of an ebb in demands to nourish your body and mind. Overall, the goal is a life that has meaning and purpose and makes a difference in the world.

There’s no magic formula. Each person must find her own equilibrium. Some find it easier to get home for dinner with the family, then respond to emails after the kids are in bed. Others rise early to get a jump on the day. The tradeoff may be less sleep, but for them, family connections make it worthwhile. Some people work like crazy during the week in order to protect their weekends. Find what works for you, and don’t feel that you have to conform to someone else’s definition of balance.

Use athletes as an example. Competitive athletes know that sleep and rest are just as important as rigorous training to their ultimate success. Why would excellent leaders do any different? Bringing your best physical, emotional and intellectual self to work requires that you take care of yourself. Start with getting enough sleep, then make sure you’re eating right and spending periods of time engaged in something meaningful other than work. You’ll get back to work refreshed and energized, allowing you to be more productive.

Part of a leader’s role is helping people craft a well-rounded and satisfying life in the midst of intense work pressure. Start today by thinking about what is important to you. Then take a step toward a life in harmony with your highest priorities. Then you will be well-positioned to help others do the same.

 


Want to talk to a Humanergist about your “rhythm” or anything else? Contact us 24/7. (We’ll get back to you as soon as we can, AND we won’t skip our workout to do it!)

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