If only others were perfect

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Nobody’s perfect. That seems like a pretty simple and well-accepted notion. However, when dealing with people at work, you need (or at least want) them to do the right things. The fact that others don’t always do what they “should” can leave you feeling surprised and frustrated.

What are some fundamentals for dealing with less-than-perfect human beings (AKA, everyone)?

Acknowledge each person’s humanity. Even the boss will have flaws, but often we find these to be unforgivable. Get over it. “God knows I’ve got so many frailties myself, I ought to be able to understand and forgive them in others. But I don’t.” (Ava Gardner)

Don’t stop doing your job. You send the weekly report out for review and key stakeholders don’t look at it. Communicate the consequences of that choice; then realign on expectations and keep sending the report. Just because some aren’t holding up their end of the deal doesn’t mean you are off the hook.

Pay attention to your expectations. Don’t expect others to know what you think or react as you would. Your expectations of others must be realistic, fair and transparent. You may want to gather your team to engage in a dialogue about mutual expectations. It could be that there are justifications for their choices you hadn’t considered.

Figure out what’s really important. Instead of nit-picking about every single thing the person does wrong, target the behavior that impedes necessary results. Along with discussing the impact, share what needs to start happening and what needs to stop.

Speak up. Seething inwardly won’t help, and people will eventually notice. When the issue is important, share your feedback directly with the person, in the spirit of care for the greater good. Stay focused on behaviors without making judgments.

While you should not expect perfection, don’t give up on high standards. Karen O’Hara, president of HR to Go, wrote “Thirty-five Great Expectations to Have of your Coworkers.” One expectation: “Accept criticism in stride.” Likely, your imperfections are  not going unnoticed as well, so be ready to be on the receiving end. Listen and learn when someone cares enough to point out your flaws.

 

Need help giving feedback or receiving it? Contact Humanergy.

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What is stopping you?

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In an effort to be the best performer and leader, we often expend a lot of time and energy seeking the next great idea. However, sometimes it’s better to put down that business book and act on what you already know.

You know what you need to do. Why don’t you do it? What is keeping you from focusing on that critical organizational need? Sometimes it’s uncertainty or a fear of failure. Maybe it’s just easier to check things off your to-do list, rather than tackling the thorny strategic issues.

To create momentum, answer two questions and take one action:

What is the one thing you know you should be doing?

What is the barrier to you doing it?

Do one thing that will get you mobilized.

Progress doesn’t have to be dramatic. Begin with simple steps, as Abraham Lincoln did: “I am a slow walker, but I never walk back.” If you act today, I bet tomorrow you’ll be more likely to do that next “one thing” that will mean the difference between existing and thriving.

 

Need help getting started on what you know you need to do? Contact Humanergy.

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Communicating when emotions run high

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Carla and Timothy were part of the team working on a crucial project. Timothy was tasked with completing all aspects of the design. Unfortunately, he missed a deadline by several days, and Carla was miffed.

Truth: People don’t always live up to our expectations. It can be all to easy to go from, “He didn’t submit his part of the project on time” to “He doesn’t care about this work.”

Snap judgments may have been a necessity in primitive times. It was all well and good for Cavewoman Carla to conclude that the large, noisy beast was the enemy and quickly react. Unfortunately, modern day humans still jump to “instant conclusions” based on limited information – even when it isn’t a life-or-death situation.

We really like to think we’ve got people figured out, and we know why they did this or that. When our emotions come into play, we interpret the other person’s behavior based on our own “story” about what happened. This happens so quickly that the story seems factual. “Of course he isn’t invested in the project. Otherwise, he would have met the deadline.”

The story is amplified when we complain to others, who confirm that our story is true. “Yea, he’s always late. What a slacker.”

The authors of Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes are High studied how top performers communicate when emotions run high. One insight is that great leaders don’t make the leap from behavior to implication. They stick to the facts when giving feedback.

“Your part came in three days late. It caused several people to scramble at the last minute. We did not have time to review your portion before completion.”

Stick to the facts when you need to confront someone. Ask questions about what happened and why. Remember the goal – to understand and correct the situation, not to prove that your story is right!

 

Need to learn skills for communicating? Contact Humanergy.

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Chapter 6


Three questions for helpful feedback

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It can be daunting, intimidating and downright scary to ask people to give you feedback on your performance. You know you need it, but it seems both time-consuming and full of potential emotional land mines. After all, there are going to be things that are difficult to hear.

Seek regular feedback by asking people three simple questions:

What should I keep doing?

What should I start doing?

What should I stop doing?

While you can ask these in any order, we like starting with what you should keep doing. This reinforces the point that everyone has strengths – and those strengths will be the foundation for building new capabilities and eliminating bad habits.

Make it easier for people to do by giving them the questions in advance, then schedule 20 minutes of their time. Don’t feel like you have to react to what they say real time. You will want to process the feedback. Make sure to thank people for their time, preparation and input.

Once you have received the feedback, use MindTool’s guide to help you interpret what you hear. You’ll not only understand the feedback better, you’ll be able to act on it to improve your performance.

We say feedback is a gift. These three simple questions can yield a treasure of insight you’ll really appreciate.

 

Want to make a step change in your performance? Contact Humanergy.

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Three reasons NOT to have a meeting

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I saw a post today about how to drastically cut meeting time by sending out relevant materials in advance and proceeding right to discussion. Margaret Heffeman writes in her blog at cbsnews.com that assuming people do their homework and proceeding right to discussion will save about 90% of your meeting time.

I have an even better idea. Cancel the meeting! Here are three reasons people often meet when they should not:

To discuss an issue. If you don’t need to decide what to do right away and the issue isn’t sensitive or complicated, people can find other ways to share ideas. Use a chat board or other social media, ask people to respond to a targeted survey or simply use natural opportunities (like hallway conversations) to ask people what they think.

To build relationships. People who work together do need to create a connection that allows for open communication and mutual trust. Opportunities to build relationships can and should be built into a meeting agenda. However, if you’re having a weekly meeting with no other defined and necessary outcomes, you’re probably wasting everyone’s time. Try a monthly lunch instead, and keep meetings focused largely on achieving business results.

Because it’s on the calendar. This is the most frequent type of meeting that should not happen – meetings that are on a regular basis without regard to the need/focus. Schedule the fewest number of recurring meetings possible and feel free to cancel them if you don’t have an output-based agenda.

What are the worthwhile reasons to meet? Hold a meeting if you need to make a decision, engage the group creativity, get aligned on direction or improve a specific aspect of team functioning.

Meeting when it isn’t absolutely necessary wastes everyone’s time, and may actually create more issues. “Our meetings are held to discuss many problems which would never arise if we held fewer meetings” (Ashleigh Brilliant). 

 

Need to make your (fewer) meetings count? Contact Humanergy.

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The most powerful word

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You’re in a heated discussion with your colleagues. You need to make a decision and move forward collectively.

What one word will help you reach alignment? And.

When I strongly believe in my position, it is all too easy to counter the other person’s view with a firm, “BUT……” However, if I use “AND” instead, my argument stands on its own merit. I reduce the conflictual tone and set everyone up for success.

Here’s an example:

“I want to hire 7 new interns in the fall, and you’ll train them.”

“I think that interns are great value, and I can’t train them during that time frame. Josie would do a great job with the interns.”

“What? You’ve always trained and supervised our interns.”

“Yes, and given the strategic plan priorities, I need to focus on the customer needs survey. Would you like me to speak with Josie and help her prepare?”

Try reading through this scenario replacing the two bold “ands” with “buts.” Those two short words make a dramatic impact on the tone of the discussion.

Using “and” instead of “but” decreases the confrontational aspect and boosts the authoritative tone as well. You are able to state the facts and defend your position without sounding oppositional. Now, that’s powerful communication – packed into three letters!

 

Need some help communicating for alignment? Contact Humanergy.

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Help people learn by experience

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Experience is a wonderful teacher. If you’ve ever tried to convince someone of something by using your gift of gab, you know what I mean. It’s hard to talk people into changing their minds.

Once people have experienced something for themselves, they don’t just believe it. They are true believers and are more likely to want (even need) to share it with others. It is nearly impossible to talk someone out of a belief they’ve gained through personal experience.

Helping people learn through experience takes some setup. Imagine that you want to convince people to change the way they do something at work. If the change is significant, you need to give them some insight and perspective before you say, “Do it this way now!”  How do you set the stage for people learning through experience?

1. Frame and message the idea. Put it into context, help people understand how it applies to them and stress why it matters. “Customers have been concerned that our response to complaints is slow. We are going to change processes to stay competitive.”

2. Share and compare. Ask people to share what they already know on the topic. Build on this information and clarify any points of confusion. “Here’s the current process for prioritizing complaints… What has been your experience? What has worked and what hasn’t?”

3. Test and explore. Tap into people’s previous experiences (“When has this happened to you?”) or predictions (“What would happen if…?“). People begin to think critically about the issue and understand it on a more personal level. “Have you used a matrix to prioritize complaints before? What unexpected consequences might we experience?”

4. Do and learn. Finally, help the person to experience the situation for herself; at this stage, experience becomes a shared understanding. “Let’s try the matrix for an hour with real issues. We’ll share our thoughts and suggestions afterwards.”

Even with the best preparation and explanation, it is only through experience that we can achieve profound insights and deep understanding. When a new idea is explained, tested and adapted in real life, enthusiasm and confidence soar. If you’re struggling with a problem, gain clarity through direct experience. As Leonardo da Vinci said, “Wisdom is the daughter of experience.”

 

Want to set people up for great learning experiences? Contact Humanergy for help.

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Identify your elephants

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Sheila and Sam have never gotten along well, and when they are assigned to a key project together, neither person is pleased. Minor tensions slowly grow into full-scale battle, and the rest of the team is uncertain about what to do. They encourage Sheila and Sam to “stay focused” and “try to get along.” Meanwhile, the task they are assigned is floundering.

In the midst of a conflict situation, we sometimes address only the symptoms and surface issues. The elephants in the room – emotional flash points – are ignored out of fear that they will result in a heated exchange, or worse, permanently damage the already-tenuous relationship.

Some of these potential flash points are past history, power differences, hidden agendas and fear of being blamed or humiliated. It can be hard to raise these issues in the conversation; NOT addressing them, however, can guarantee that you’ll be in conflict again very soon.

If you observe this dynamic at work, here are some tips about navigating these sensitive issues:

Bring in a facilitator. Someone who is not involved in the conflict may be in a better position to ask the right questions, ensure open communication and enforce ground rules.

Use “I” statements. Encourage both parties to speak from their own perspective and experience. Avoid making assumptions or accusing others of feeling a certain way.

Ask questions. Statements can have the effect of hardening positions. Try asking open-ended questions instead, like, “How does the previous project’s failure affect our interactions today?” or “What issues of power play a role in this conflict?”

Use neutral language. This may take some pre-planning. Think of the words that might inflame tensions, and how you can restate the same idea in more neutral terms. Avoid sarcasm, exaggerations, name-calling and offensive language.

One of the most difficult aspects of conflict resolution is recognizing when we are stuck, or that we have emotional “elephants” that keep us from seeing the situation differently. Remember the words of George Bernard Shaw when you need to stay open to self-awareness: “The moment we want to believe something, we suddenly see all the arguments for it, and become blind to the arguments against it.”

Need help identifying your elephants and managing conflict? Contact Humanergy.

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The best way to think great thoughts

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You have a problem to solve or a new idea to cook up. What do you do? Pile lots of people in a room and brainstorm, right?

Wrong. It turns out that free association in a group uncovers predictable options, not innovative, creative ones. In the presence of others, we don’t want to seem weird, so we edit our responses or end up building on someone elses thoughts. And let’s face it. Being in a group of your peers is often not the relaxing, free-form state your brain needs to produce its best work (especially if you tank up on coffee and sugar). Fast Company’s Debra Kay blogged about this:

“It turns out that a brainstorming session is a great place to load up on baked goods and caffeine, but it’s not so great for generating ideas.”

Instead of group brainstorming, start with laying out the issue and then let people go about their lives. Allow the thoughts to percolate and pop up when they’re ready – usually when they’re engaged in something else. Some of the greatest thoughts spring to mind when you’re in the shower, taking a walk or doing something else that is pressure-free.

MindTools recommends individual brainstorming before any group engagement around an idea. Find a place away from distractions, and consider creating a Mind Map to articulate and connect thoughts.

You may want to do something more productive with your time than pondering new uses for your toilet plunger. Whatever you decide to tackle, start with giving everyone some solo time before gathering to brainstorm. You’ll tap the best ideas your people have to offer.

Need to energize your innovation? Contact Humanergy.

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Feed your team

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I am a card-carrying member of ASDT (Adult Survivors of a Dysfunctional Team). I am sure that it is just a coincidence (or the fact that I have been working for many, many years), but I’ve served on a few teams that were not productive.

Dysfunctional teams do tend to get attention, even if the intervention doesn’t always work. The teams that get short shrift are the okay, average and good ones. As long as the team isn’t hopeless or causing too many problems for others, it’s not likely to rise to the top of the boss’ priority list.

Too bad. Great teams are the drivers of amazing results, as reinforced by Harvard Business Review blogger, Judith A. Ross, in Make Your Good Team Great. Research shows that the qualities that drive top team performance can be described as group Emotional Intelligence. In other words, these teams know how to recognize and manage the emotions of their members.

Ms. Ross recommends making time for the team to connect both inter-personally and around their strengths. This will help them appreciate each others’ contributions and tap each person’s strengths. She also emphasizes the importance of teams recognizing and managing the emotions that are sure to arise – the conflicts and the joys.

Kim Kanaga and Henry Browning authored the Center for Creative Leadership’s Keeping Watch: How to Monitor and Maintain a Team. They recommend that leaders regularly monitor a team’s status in six dimensions of team performance:

Clear purpose

Empowering team structure

Strong organizational support

Positive internal relationships

Well-tended external relationships

Efficient information management

The authors suggest ways to evaluate each of these six dimensions, and also expand upon four key indicators, which they liken to the gauges on a car’s dashboard.

Effort – Extent to which members devote time and effort to the task

Knowledge and skills – Degree to which the team possesses the right competencies

Tactics – Using rational, logical and direct approaches to accomplish goals

Group dynamics – Extent to which the team works without undue friction or waste

People who lead teams must regularly “take the pulse” of the team and help them adapt to changing circumstances. Teams need a leader who can smooth the way, ensuring that the team has the information, resources, autonomy and management support that will ensure success. What can you do today to make the life of your team better?

Need help leading your team? Contact Humanergy.

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